To me, as soon as I wrote that title the Queen classic lyric “who wants to live forever” came to mind. Living forever isn’t what I am writing for, that sounds like a curse. It’s the process of getting old that gets me.
We are constantly told how wonderful adaptive and amazing our body is, religious folk say that it is evidence of gods perfection. Anyone who thinks man as an individual or mankind as a whole are a perfect creation…well um, you obviously haven’t had the same journey as me!
When I was young I grew like everyone else. Bones got stronger muscles bigger. By the age of 18 I was told I was at my peak. Twelve years later I realised I heard the words “you ain’t 18 no more” far more often than I wanted to.
I am now 36, for the first time in my life I am realising physically I am weaker than 15 years ago. I see people older than me aging too. My back started hurting by 35, a mate got diabetes by 40, others can’t run like they used to or push the same weights at the gym. Others still have issues including eye sight, reactions or sexual stamina. Everyone’s got a problem or another.
I freaked out the other day as in a sort of day dream I imagined I was me but in an old mans body. I could feel the sagging skin, it hurt every time I moved, I couldn’t see or move at my speed no more. I freaked and jerked out of the day dream, there may come a time when I won’t be able to do that.
I am not scared of dying, but I am scared of my body aging. The disease has kicked in and no matter how much I work to reduce it there is no stopping it. The disease that has not cure, the disease you can try slowing down by exercising, changing your eating habits and all sorts of things, but can never stop.
I remember my grand dad, God bless his soul, he said to me once “you look at me and see an old man, I still feel like an 18 year old, but my body has betrayed me”. Is it so then, that as my mind remains active hopefully for another 35 plus years, my body will merely become a cage that I am stuck in?
So tell me, how do you feel about aging??
Life is unfaithful, sooner or later it will leave you,
Death is loyal, sooner or later, she’ll be with you forever.